Weapon of Choice

nothing, no one, everywhere, LB

2005-08-26T06:08:21Z

i just got back from laguna beach, i could write thousands of pages on that city alone, its amazing, i love it soo much but right now im in a state of shock, everything there is so pristine, and the beach is not even 100 feet from our hotel, and right off the main road. I could surf everyday, i could lay out everyday, i would get skinny for that town. i love that city, i loved it so much every boy there is so my type, beautiful, shaggy hair, built bodies, surfers, tan, sweet, sexy, and their f-me lines are so defined, lovely, romantic, they make me feel so perfect when they smile, and they have sweet, sexy white teeth, there are no more words i can use to describe them. and the girls there are not at all what i expected, alot of them actually are pretty chunky, blonde of corse, and very pretty, but not all that skinny, which leaves me a chance, i fell in love every moment on that beach, with the sun, the surf, the salty water and sea air, the men, the beach volleyball, everything, please ship me off there. someone tell me they love me.
-K

lost_inocence @ 2005-08-21T23:50:00

2005-08-22T06:50:52Z

Global Personality Test Results

Stability (20%) low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.
Orderliness (53%) medium which suggests you are moderately organized, hard working, and reliable while still remaining flexible, efficient, and fun.
Extraversion (53%) medium which suggests you average somewhere in between being assertive and social and being withdrawn and solitary.

Take Free Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Watch out for my heart; there, its lying in the road

2005-07-03T07:38:56Z

Watch out for my heart; there, its lying in the road.

Redness beating through it, yet it looks so alone

be careful of my beating heart, for your foot my come to rest upon it,

be careful of my crimson bride, for she=s been cracked before

I don=t think she can take it once more

be careful of my beating heart for I once heard it crack,

but that=s madness; for what person could do that?

oh, look, here he comes, as handsome as can be

he will treat me right, I say, and love to only be with me

his peachy fingers gripped around the beating thing, and I saw his knuckles swell,

but I did not see the last part coming, I thought I knew him so well

it slapped me in the face as he squeezed and squeezed with a silent smirk slapped across his face

happy that he had finally put me in my place

he crushed my heart with all his might and left the bloody mess

too bad I took our love and put it to the test.

I thought he would treat me so well, yet sadly he has not,

Oh, look at the pieces laying there; left to rot.

I said be careful with my scarlet bride, for she knows not how to be two,

but please...don=t take my pieces with you

leave them here with me, for I can sew them back,

I can keep her from her fateful crack

please leave her here with me please don=t make me start anew

for my only sin in this world, was to tell you I loved you.

Tracks Trace

2005-07-03T07:36:12Z

tears run tracks down her supple skin
her stomach is twisted into unimaginable mazes
she blinks hard
trying to get ride of her hate
but only still feels it in her gut
why doesn't anyone care about eachother?
don't care to love
nor to hate
distance
distance from everyone
that could potentially hurt them
unable to see who people
truly are
like a little girl spinning out of control
everything blurry
but no one can touch her
with her arms spinning wide
a moveable wall
the only way to reach her is to take her hand
spin with her
until she falls
and you're right there to catch her as she
cries and her tears
soak into your palms
as she talks
of her fears,
why she spun her moveable wall
while she cries you think
I'm so dizzy
because all this time
you've been spinning out of control
aren't you glad
you have another day
to fall?

lost_inocence @ 2005-06-29T23:34:00

2005-06-30T06:45:51Z

my fingers caress these dark things called keys
then you leave
what darkness can i now hold within my fingertips
words, foul and disgusting explode from my lips
tracing themselves on the keys
outlines of what i feel as the carpet catches my knees
mere shadows of the things inside my heart
dying to trace themselves within these keys
these keys these keys the windows to my everything
reaching out.

Searching emptyness for meaning in these dark keys
like an executioners smile as the axe drafts through the air
you killed me with your accidence
you killed me with your kiss
romance
love
mere bliss
these keys hold everything that ever wanted to leave my mouth
these keys carry me on their backs
drifting away into solitude
silently waiting your reply
then you left
without so much as an empty key
one stroke
one note of feeling
sadness
joy
nothing
you left
you left alone
you left the keys to carry me away from you
into solitude

Apology in a Eulogy

2005-06-24T05:30:51Z

I am very sorry, for Iput you in this place
I am sorry my image was askew as tears ran tracks down my face
I'm sorry to do this to you, although its for the best
I'm sorry for this situation, sorry for this mess
I'm sorry that I may never hear those three words from your mouth
I'm sorry that you might share those words with someone else
I am very sorry for doing this to you
I shouldn't have challenged you
I asked you to be with me, to love me, to listen
but now the tears upon your cheeks simply seem to glisten
I remember how your breath landed on my skin; so safe
how you looked so dearly at the tears that weren't fake
I remember how sweetly you reminded me you cared
how tenderly you had loved me,
all the pain that we shared
I remember with sad eyes at how you held me close
the questions that came from my simple words I will never know
its strange how much 4 words could hurt a person so deeply
but remember forecer and always, for you I always had feelings.

Prozac

2005-06-24T05:17:35Z

You would never guess how 2 pills could
make me feel so good
How they could make my feelings not so misunderstood
how those indigo little capsules could change my life so much
I am no longer searching, reaching for your touch
I can now live on my own without so much support
I no longer think of making my life so short
not so many tears have dampened my sheets
or built up inside of me for oh to many weeks
I can now tell you how I feel, without any remorse
and realize you'll listen without any recourse
I love me for who I am, not for who I was
a lost, lonely child, searching for a cause.

BRiAN

2005-06-24T05:12:58Z

I can't believe i took your crap
and thought that you loved me
I can't believe you treated me like that
and still i thought you cared
you too my breath away and asked me for my heart
I didnt even have time to think as you tore it all apart
I always thought you were the one
but how i hated you so
you stabbed me in the back
and let your feelings show
your menacing finally got yo me
and ripped my mind to shreds
I left you alone that night and slowly put myself to bed
although i didn't sleep all night long,
it didn't take that much to realize how badly
I was wrong.

lost_inocence @ 2005-06-23T22:09:00

2005-06-24T05:10:34Z

I knew great times couldn't last forever
They had to pass sometime, although i wish the time was never
the enevitable this time we hate
although it drives to mesmerate
They feed on our strain, our minds not put to ease
laughter made is not meant to please
this happiness is empty, the laughter off cute
although i wish it had nothing to do with you
you unfortunately caused this pain of mine
caused my tears to swell, shattering my mind.

Fall

2005-06-24T05:08:48Z

leaves of fall, winter, and autumn
below my feet, all are trodden
red, yellow, orange and green
before my eyes all are seen
pumpkins and jack-o-lanterns and great
scary ghouls
all are used as holloweens tools
green leaves and rain mark fall's
end
witing for next year's heart to mend.

lost_inocence @ 2005-01-25T22:19:00

2005-01-26T06:19:29Z

This one's for Brian

2004-12-29T17:37:42Z

SUGARCULT LYRICS

"Memory"

This may never start.
We could fall apart.
And I'd be your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.
Feelings insincere.
Can I be your memory?

So get back, back, back to where we lasted.
Just like I imagine.
I could never feel this way.
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.
Holding on to feel the same.

This may never start.
I'll tear us apart.
Can I be your enemy?
Losing half a year.
Waiting for you here
I'd be your anything.

So get back, back, back to where we lasted.
Just like I imagine.
I could never feel this way.
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.
Holding on to feel the same.

This may never start.
Tearing out my heart.
I'd be your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.
(I'd be your memory)
Feelings insincere.
Can I be your memory?

So get back, back, back to where we lasted.
Just like I imagine.
I could never feel this way.
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.
Holding on to feel the same.

This may never start.
We could fall apart
And I'd be your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.
Feelings insincere.
Can I be your memory?
Can I be your memory?

lost_inocence @ 2004-12-12T19:56:00

2004-12-13T03:58:39Z

tallblndchk: his name is mikey
tallblndchk: thats him, ^
ChUkApIi: nice butt
ChUkApIi: haha

CuTiE GuRl 1379: awwww
CuTiE GuRl 1379: thats a nice back part
CuTiE GuRl 1379: lol
tallblndchk: lovely baseball pants huh
tallblndchk: mmmmmm

lost_inocence @ 2004-11-09T19:21:00

2004-11-10T03:24:00Z

do you ever want to roll out of bed onto the floor, just to see what youll hit?
or do you ever really want to smack yourself in the head with your math book, just to feel the numbness that comes from it?
do you ever want to throw pillows at your walls, just to hear the hollow sound it makes as it is in contact with the solid?
well i do and its a sickening thing the joy that comes from all these things.

lost_inocence @ 2004-11-09T18:50:00

2004-11-10T03:02:27Z

why is it that everyone i want to know and wish i were more like, live so far away. This thing im going through, its only as if one person truly knows what its like that lives near me, but everyone who could understand and i would love them to, live so far away. My life would be so much simpler and more amazing if i just lived in a place with all the people i adore and get along with. oivey i love too many ppl that dont live close to me. like my boyfriend Mikey, good god if i could see him everyday i would go crazy. Or Rebbecca my adoptive cousin, or my actual cousin Alex, Stephanie, Ryan, Annie, Joey, goodness gracious i miss them so much, i love them soo much too. Or people i dont know very well but would love to get to know like Joey Fowler from oklahoma, or Kyle McBain from Oregon or Laine Solnier, if i only lived closer to them i would be so in love with the two of them because they really are awesome people. I really dont feel like anyone really understands me here, its hard to live in the valley and not be self absorbed i guess, but im trying to get to know people that arent like that and i have no idea how i would live if i got to know them better and could just like go to the movies with them or hang out at my house. you guys have no idea what that would mean to me, no idea.

lost_inocence @ 2004-10-26T20:22:00

2004-10-27T03:28:44Z

WEll i just got back from the most amazing leadership conference ever created in the history of the earth! although now i have some major decisions to make about my life and lifestyle, its going well so far, i think im actually growing in my faith (oh dont stop reading just because i said something about God)I met soo many awesome people who were so kind and cute and amazing that it was hard to leave, watching them all go made me sad. Special shoutouts to CHARLIE & MICHAEL BAKER those guys are soo awesome (even though they can't pronounce my last name its all good) and to ADAM CLARK! and JOHN and MICHAEL the tall, and TILLEY!!!! and Laine (the french last-name kid) and to ALEX WEN and SCOTT MENGER and KYLE BROOKS who played mini golf while i watched. To MIKE SHOTT!! who i got locked in the golf shed with...ooo la la. and TIFFANY TYSON and BRITTANY who played foozeball with me and chilled like homegirls, but got their butts wooped by me. To ARMANDO and SETH! who i met outside the boys bathroom. To EVERYONE FROM MARANATHA AND WITTIER!!!!! you guys are sooooo awesome and 'hilarious. love you all very much!
-K

lost_inocence @ 2004-10-21T20:47:00

2004-10-22T03:46:44Z

MCR & Green Day!

lost_inocence @ 2004-10-07T20:56:00

2004-10-08T03:58:45Z

soccerpal13j: well dont worry about him now cuz this is our time k
tallblndchk: sorry i went on for so long'
soccerpal13j: :-P
soccerpal13j: its ok
soccerpal13j: dont worry about it
tallblndchk: but i havent told n e one the whole story yet
tallblndchk: you were the first
soccerpal13j: im here for you allll the time
tallblndchk: dont you feel special
soccerpal13j: yes i do...
soccerpal13j: :-DO:-)
tallblndchk: lol good
tallblndchk: im gonna be so screwed for my text messaging tho
tallblndchk: im scared
tallblndchk: o well
soccerpal13j: dont worry about it ... if your parents say somthing tell them to talk to me about it and ill explain it 4 u... k
tallblndchk: mikey
soccerpal13j: ??
tallblndchk: you are the most amazing guy ever

god sometimes that boy can be sooooo sweet, without even trying

lost_inocence @ 2004-10-03T22:12:00

2004-10-04T05:14:48Z

ZPAVI: do you come up here often
tallblndchk: not that often
tallblndchk: not as much as id like to
ZPAVI: how sad
tallblndchk: i love lompoc like i have no right to
ZPAVI: lol I can't believe you love lompoc
ZPAVI: its so boring
tallblndchk: lol not to me
ZPAVI: I dont see how it can be unboring
tallblndchk: come live in LA for 4 years then move back to lompoc
tallblndchk: you would love it
ZPAVI: I've lived all over
ZPAVI: lompoc suuuuuuuuuuucks
ZPAVI: like woah
tallblndchk: okay go back to the womb and then be born in LA live here for a while and then go to lompoc
ZPAVI: and I'd be like
ZPAVI: hey, theres nothing to do in the poc
ZPAVI: time to head back to LA, the hub of the western world!
tallblndchk: lol
tallblndchk: the poc?
ZPAVI: yes the poc
tallblndchk: thats hilarious
ZPAVI: hehe
ZPAVI: but ya, it sucks, and you're just a silly silly girl for loving it
tallblndchk: lol
tallblndchk: then im a silly girl
ZPAVI: SILLY I SAY!

tallblndchk: well youre a silly boy for taking it for granted
ZPAVI: PFT!
ZPAVI: I take nothing for granted
ZPAVI: what is KAKUYA?
tallblndchk: only the best word in the whole english dictionary
ZPAVI: what is the definition?
tallblndchk: kakuya is a golfing grass
ZPAVI: ahhhhhhh
ZPAVI: nice
tallblndchk: but its the best word to say
tallblndchk: it just makes me happy
ZPAVI: awww
ZPAVI: how cute
ZPAVI: hehe
tallblndchk: lol

A Boy

2004-09-24T03:43:21Z

You’re the one I’ll always want
from now until the end,
forever I will always know you will be my friend.

I come you in times of need, when tears cloud my heart
when I feel the pain deep inside; tearing me apart,
this ache I feel every day in my mind and soul
and I know that it’s on your heart that seems to take the toll.

You always seem to be with me and always seem to care
but these days I am most lonely are times when you’re not there.
But every time my gaze drifts down and crosses my right hand
I remember the feeling I had when I held that of my man,
I remember the soft caress of your callused skin,
and wondered to myself how this couldn’t be a sin.
A tingle wandered down my spine and landed at my heel
reminding me that this is how love is supposed to feel.

You taught me how to care for someone other than myself
that is why I place you upon my highest shelf.
My fragile heart, the one you hold
praying to help, my heart you mold.

Your fingers caress my every curve
and dazzle me with yours,
You do not seem to make loving me just one of your many chores.

You tell me that I’ m perfect though sadly I feel not
but you will tell the truth as simply as you were taught.
And even if I fail to keep your heart content
I will always know that time with you was my time well spent.

You’re the one I’ll always want, the one I’ll always need
to get me back on track and my mind back up to speed.
Even though I shut you out you never seem to stop
prying at my heart and soul, fighting the teardrops
I dare not say what I feel for fear that it will jinx
this love placed upon my heart that will never seem to cease.

lost_inocence @ 2004-09-23T20:12:00

2004-09-24T03:28:41Z

VOLLEYBALL SCHEDULE!
Sept 24 vs AGBU HOME 4:30
Oct 1 vs WLAB HOME 4:30
Oct 7 vs Pacific Lutheran HOME 4:30
Oct 8 vs South Bay Lutheran HOME 4:30
Oct 11 vs New Roads HOME
Oct 15 vs Highland Hall HOME 4:30
Oct 22 vs Hilcrest Thousand Oaks 4:30
Oct 25 vs San Gabriel Academy HOME 5:00
Nov 1 vs New Community Jewish HOME 4:30
Nov 4 vs Pilibos HOME 4:30

If you get the chance COME TO OUR GAMES!!!!!
Were a really good team and you won't be wasting your time, promise!
-Kirsten

lost_inocence @ 2004-09-19T18:14:00

2004-09-20T01:15:23Z

"Losing Grip"
Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby
Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you
Why'd you turn away?
Here's what I have to say I was left to cry there,
waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided
[chorus]
Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
You, you need to listen I'm starting to trip,
I'm losing my grip and I'm in this thing alone

Am I just some chick you place beside you to take somebody's place
when you turn around can you recognize my face you used to love me,
you used to hug me
But that wasn't the case
Everything wasn't ok I was left to cry there
waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided

[chorus]

Crying out loud I'm crying out loud
Crying out loud I'm crying out loud

Open your eyes
Open up wide
Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there
when I was scared I was so alone Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
Why should I care
If you don't care then I don't care were not going newhere
Why should I care cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
Why should I care If you don't care then i don't care were not going newhere

lost_inocence @ 2004-09-15T20:51:00

2004-09-16T04:01:25Z

well today sucked with all of the "It only figures" days its soo annnoying and hilarious at the same time. like all the irony is disgusting me so much. Im so completely tired of school the only thing thats pushing me through is that i get to see mikey in october but i need to get a dress or alter one of the ones i have which wont be hard. i wrote a poem and its kinda different than the ones ive written in the past which is good. but yeah i get to see MIKEY!!!! whoo hoooo! yesss. And i get to see my lovely cousin!! and dance with the both of them all night long. i was so pissed today but im in a suprisingly good mood right now and with the day that ive had, thats amazing.
-K

lost_inocence @ 2004-09-06T17:49:00

2004-09-07T00:51:51Z

im not looking forward to school so much right now, im almost in tears. im dreading it, just the start of it, just driving into the parkinglot, i have a bad feeling im going to break down in the driveway, crying and my mom is going ot have to take me home, its just so emotionally stressful in so many different ways, like dreading the inevitable that drama is going to happen and people are going to get hurt and everything is going to go wrong, i think im gonna have a panic attack.
-K

lost_inocence @ 2004-09-06T16:08:00

2004-09-06T23:10:42Z

well today i was supposed to go to the beach but considering im sick i couldnt go. So my mom took cara, my brother and i out to lunch at in-n-out, which didnt taste too good to me but when youre sick you have a really strange tongue. Tonight is my brothers 21st birthday barbeque and hes having ribs for dinner, how delightful. and tomorrow i start school. if i ever say im actually looking forward to school starting, someone slap me...hard.
-K